Dear fans, spammers, followers and critics, it is with a deep sense of regret that I hereby announce the sudden and untimely death of http://www.thecrazynigerian.com due to my forgetfulness negligence. I was meant to renew my domain subscription sometime late … Continue reading
The Truth behind Big brother SA Big Brother Naija 2017. (Guest post: Anonymous) We are all thinking it, and I began to suspect it 10 mins later into the show… where is the place with 12hrs 24hrs steady Nepa in … Continue reading
I’ll be honest – It’s not going to be easy writing this post without coming across as a pessimist but I need to give you a taste of the attitude of Nigerians I have experienced in recent times. From all indications things seem to be going from bad to worse. Just yesterday I was at a beautiful wedding reception and at a point all guests were asked to stand up for a prayer from one of the wedding couple’s family members. As we were repeatedly saying a resounding ‘Amen’, right in the middle of the prayer I suddenly heard the pop of a champagne bottle.
I don’t know about you but I think that was just downright rude. What would it cost the stewards to wait a minute or two for a prayer to finish before causing such a distraction. In the presence of God some level of decorum should be expected during prayer – no talking, no selfie-ing, no walking and most definitely no champagne popping! Of course it wasn’t long before the final Amen that another champagne cork went off with a loud *POP!* At this point the ridiculousness of it all made me giggle and shake my head – Nigerians! Continue reading
Justice, oh Justice, where have you been all this time? They say good things come to those who wait but I’ve waited for over 3 years for you to come into my life. You must have heard my lamentations about the loud pounding coming from the ground floor at 5.30 am daily, courtesy of the inconsiderate neighbour living below me on the ground floor. I mean, is she participating in a ‘Cook-every-Nigerian-soup-you-know’ Marathon? Who on earth is she cooking all these soups for anyway? Her help? Perhaps. Her little daughter? Doubt any Nigerian child would love eating Edikaikong everyday without thinking they’re being punished for some wrongdoing. Her husband is rarely in town so ‘who she epp’ (help)? It’s bad enough that I have to endure the aroma being sent up through my veranda to remind me of how much of a bloody bachelor I am. But after yesterday, I can see that Justice will soon be served to her – in black and white… (To be continued).
My sister showed me your picture yesterday and I thought to myself, ‘Wait a minute…weren’t we supposed to get a puppy and not a dog?’ But looking at the other pictures I bet my folks adored you, and the way you were moving around in the compound I can see you’re already feeling right at home. But before you get too comfortable, a few ground rules:
- I expect you to take the trash out on Thursdays and Sundays.
- You are to water the garden every morning (and I mean water not pee!). If any of my plants see yellow you’ll be seeing my front gate.
- When I come round to visit and the security guard isn’t around you’ll have to open the gate so I can drive in.
- When there’s no power supply and the security guard happens to be in the toilet or in a deep sleep you’ll need to turn on the generator.
- Whenever I ask you a question bark once for YES and twice for NO and bark three times if you have no idea what I’m saying.
It may interest you to know that your predecessor Happy was a very loyal and diligent dog who did all the above and more. He passed away some years ago and we miss him dearly. I don’t expect you to fill his
shoes paws because lets face it – you’ve got small paws (no offence). Take the next couple of days to get to know your new family and surroundings but be sure to keep your wits about you always. You have permission to bite anyone who attempts to break into the house or steal our generator or parked cars. Please do not bark at night unless you’re absolutely sure it’s an emergency.
That’s it for now. The rest of the information will be outlined in your contract. See you over the weekend and by the way, you’re welcome to your new family 🙂
I recall at some point last year (after snubbing a TV clip of people at an all white dress code theme party having fun while I was bored stiff at home) I said to myself, ‘I’d like to attend a party like that someday’. Well June 11, 2016 was my lucky day and did I have a good time? Well let’s just say that I’ll be dishing out the good, the bad and the ugly.
The paparazzi at the Hard Rock Cafe gave me a warm welcome and I did my best to look like I didn’t give a s*** when in fact I did give a s*** (as you can see in my pose). I decided to go with the sporty-casual look for this champagne fest with the Ray-bans and white kicks to boot. I was given a brown wrist band and then ushered into the party zone (Please keep this brown wristband in mind as it will resurface later in this blog post).
The party had officially started at 12 noon but I arrived about 2.30pm when coincidentally the party was just getting warmed up, according to the MC as he mounted the stage with an all-white live band behind him. Ambience was 10/10 –
The patio furnished with white sofas graced with Moet & Chandon branded throw cushions, the bar area churning out champagne in both clear and all-white branded wine glasses (not champagne flutes surprisingly), and the swimming pool laced with folded branded white towels all rounded the pool edges was a nice touch. Inside the hall was a dining hall with an adjoining bar but the stage stole the scene with the DJ setup and overhead mega screen in the back drop. All we needed now was stuff to do.
My sister and a few colleagues from work kept me company at the event, along with all the seated and arriving guests coming in their assorted mixes of white regalia. The live band got my pulse going and then I got interviewed by Pulse.ng though I can’t tell you when and where I’ll find that 10-sec clip but anyway…before I knew it the live band were nowhere to be seen. Shortly after the DJ took over and got everyone bobbing heads and shuffling feet. Next was the announcement about buffet lunch being served with a
sauce clause – only those wearing the white band would be allowed to partake in the buffet. I was wearing a brown wristband – wahala.
At no point was I aware of any implication of being given a brown wristband after submitting my invite at the entrance. It was at the point of picking up a plate at the serving point that a steward told me my brown wristband only entitled me to champagne and not to the food on display. My brain understood him but my stomach didn’t. Fortunately I was able to improvise – white wristband? I stepped aside, turned my brown wristband inside out to the white side and picked up a plate of delicacies. It was only while I was munching away I noticed some unfortunate guy being harassed by a female steward because he was wearing a brown wristband and attempting to load his plate – seriously? after inviting guests it was a genius idea to segregate on food? Well if that wasn’t bad enough I needed something cool and bubbly to wash my food down so what better than the drink of the day – Moet & Chandon right? Wrong. I got to the themed bar outside on the patio and was told the champagne was finished…at 3.30pm? That was only an hour after I got there! So what’s the point throwing such a party if drinks were going to run out before 5pm? I was perplexed to say the least. Some guests were still arriving and I even noticed some trying to argue with the M & C bartenders but even all the bravado got these guests nowhere as they all told that they could get a M & C bottle at the inner bar…at N40,000 (insert indigestion here).
My friends and I had laughs and took loads of pics. We even bought a couple from the multiple photographers manoeuvring throughout the event. But I expected some giveaways to be distributed either on our way in or on our way out. At least that would have made the experience of depleted champagne a forgettable one. I caught sight of music artist Brymo and TV presenter Eku Edewor. I also caught sight of some ‘movement’ in the swimming pool (I never said it was empty, lol).
Generally I had a good time but I must say that the organizer/Lagos-based M & C ambassador should take note in future to keep the champagne flowing throughout the event and also engage the guests for a more cohesive crowd of fun lovers. Here’s a couple of shots of what went down…
Now take a look at how Moet and Chandon celebrated in Croatia and tell me who entertained better –
I rest my case 😀
Article by @dcrazynigerian
Hello everyone! Thanks for all the entries on my last post How to lose your appetite in 3 seconds. Apologies for any ruined appetites on account of my disgusting scenarios – A problem shared is a problem halved, as they say. So let’s get straight to the other half of the problem – Which scenario did I experience yesterday? Three of you chose the correct answer 🙂 Join me in congratulating OLAIDE AJAYI, CHARLES WILLIAMS and FARRAH for choosing that…
A gush of soot hit my face and landed on my entire lunch plate
Lucky (or unlucky) number 3 is the answer! Suspense is over…we can all eat normally again. Tee-hee
N.B – As promised the winners will be getting treats on social media – shout outs on their profiles and promotion of their content on my blog or a topic of their choice in the following week. Thanks for reading and look out for my next crazy post!
It was a day not quite like any other day when I popped out of the office with a colleague for lunch at a nearby local restaurant. I was so hungry I could eat a horse (word to my stomach). I settled down to an aromatic bowl of okra soup with a generous ball of pounded yam and I couldn’t have washed my hand any quicker so I could dig in. It was halfway through my gulps of satisfaction and eyes rolling to the back of my head that an over zealous restaurant staff decided to reach over an switch on the air-conditioning close to me. Nothing prepared me for the next thing that happened.
Let’s make this a bit more interesting. Which of the following scenarios took place after the restaurant switched on the air-conditioning:
- A baby roach crawled into my okra soup
- Sweat from the restaurant staff’s forehead dropped into my pounded yam
- A gush of soot hit my face and landed on my entire lunch plate
Now only one of the above scenarios actually took place today and was immediately followed by a thousand apologies and an offer of a replacement meal. The winners get a social media treat courtesy of the Crazy Nigerian so have a go 😀
Good advice, especially no.5
Bloggers and PRs need each other to succeed. We bloggers need PRs and brands to notice our blog, and there are so many of us competing for the attention. PRs on the other hand, need to find the right bloggers to showcase their client’s products/services, and there are so many options, on both sides, so we kind of need each other really. However, I do find there is a bit of a love and hate relationship between most bloggers and PRs these days and I wonder why.
Could it be because some bloggers think too highly of themselves and behave unprofessional? Could it be because many PRs try to take advantage of bloggers, especially the new or less established ones, so many of us have our guard up as soon as a new PR comes in contact?
Who knows, but I feel a little friction in the blogging/PR relationship so…
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Been down this road…a lot! Still managed to come out okay in the end.
I haven’t written in a very long time.
I joined a creative writing class a while ago to help me through my ‘writer’s block’ – can you call yourself a writer if you don’t write? – and I managed to produce a total of 500 words over the entire four-week course. A paltry amount by any standards, though the course itself was brilliant.
One of the suggestions from my fellow writers was to write about why I don’t write. I’ve been thinking a lot about the reasons I don’t write lately so this seemed as good a place to kick off my writing again as any. And also address why I call myself a writer in the first place – a hard sell in the writing void of the last few months.
In my professional life, I have been a public relations consultant, a journalist and now, an editor. Words play…
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Hello dear fans and visitors, (why are you still visitors? show some love and follow my blog today teehee).
In true Cupid style I decided to send this special love post that perfectly encapsulates the essence of Valentines Day. If you have a partner show them how special they are. It’s not always about gifts. You can make someone’s day just by saying the right words from your heart – not everyone is hell-bent on chocolates, flowers and teddies. If you’re single then let that dream partner know that they’re on your mind today. You can also extend your love to your family members – mum, dad, mother-in-law, father-in-law, etc. But most importantly, love yourself. You can’t begin to show love to others if you don’t love yourself. I love me and I love you all for your loyalty, your curiosity, your consistency, your commentary, and your generosity in sharing my posts. Happy #ValentinesDay
Image credits: Google
I’d have to agree with these 5 things but I assure you there’s a whole lot more (but that’s a topic for another post). Props to PTB. Enjoy the read!
‘Becky had every reason to be the happiest woman in the world. And why wouldn’t she be? She had the perfect husband. He was caring, affectionate and sensitive to her needs and wants. He was always there when she needed him and there was a mutual trust between them. He trusted her so much that he gave her access to all his bank accounts and even gave her some of his debit cards and credit cards, complete with PIN Continue reading
Seriously? Oh man…
It seems so unreasonable when you put it that way: My wife left me because sometimes I leave dishes by the sink.
It makes her seem ridiculous; and makes me seem like a victim of unfair expectations.
We like to point fingers at other things to explain why something went wrong, like when Biff Tannen crashed George McFly’s car and spilled beer on his clothes, but it was all George’s fault for not telling him the car had a blind spot.
This bad thing happened because of this, that, and the other thing. Not because of anything I did!
Sometimes I leave used drinking glasses by the kitchen sink, just inches away from the dishwasher.
It isn’t a big deal to me now. It wasn’t a big deal to me when I was married. But it WAS a big deal to her.
Every time she’d walk into the kitchen…
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Even without meat it’s a tasty looking dish I’d love to sink my teeth into. Yum!
We’ve asked some of our favorite international authors to write about literary communities and cultures around the globe. We’re bringing you their essays in a Source: Be Careless With Your Wishes: A. Igoni Barrett On The Writing Life In Nigeria
This is my second quote adaptation from the great Robert F. Kennedy. It’s an extract taken from one of his most important speeches, titled ‘On the mindless menace of violence’, which Kennedy gave o… Source: On the Mindless Menace of … Continue reading