The 411 before the 711

I expect happy birthday greetings to start rolling in for me from the 7th day of the 11th month of the year but until then I just felt like dropping the real deal (411) on y’all as I’ve experienced them on earth:

  • meBe nice all you want; some people still won’t like you…for no reason
  • Be yourself because its ten times harder trying to be someone else…full time
  • One real hug feels much better than 100 arm-less emoticon hugs
  • Look good, feel good. Feel good, Act confident. Act confident, Earn respect
  • If she really wants you she’ll call back even if it’s years after
  • In the workplace there’s politics. Learn when to play and when to stray
  • Give – time, money, knowledge, support…just give and change a life
  • The ones who stick with you in the worst of times are your friends
  • The ones who call you on your birthday hold you in high esteem
  • Worry less about what’s on your head but more about what’s in it
  • Everyone’s allergic to bullshit. The art is in making it ‘smell’ good
  • You’re only as fat or as slim as you think
  • If you’ve cheated death at least three times someone upstairs has a ‘job’ for you
  • That point when you’re about to give up may be moments away from a breakthrough
  • Those who left a legacy behind are not forgotten today (Fela, MJ, Bob Marley, etc)
  • Attention isn’t always the best currency. Pay more and receive less.
  • Family is everything
  • When there were good times and bad times God never abandoned me. God is Love (1 John 4:8)
  • Be thankful and count your blessings
  • And if you insist on becoming a gang member then join the beard gang ūüėõ

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7 Simple things men want in women

Gallery

This gallery contains 7 photos.

I like to think Life isn’t complicated; PEOPLE are. That’s why relationships can easily become strained when trivial issues arise; take for instance, leaving the toilet seat up (Ladies, which would you prefer – He raises up the seat to … Continue reading

‘D’ is for Desperado

des¬∑per¬∑a¬∑do /desp…ôňąr√§dŇć/ a bold or violent criminal; a desperate person who has no hope. If you’ve ever heard anyone say, ‘Desperate times call for desperate measures’ then take a wild guess what they will be getting up to?¬†No Good, that’s what!

Just a few days ago I¬†was looking outside my office window¬†when I suddenly noticed some commotion¬†involving a motorcyclist¬†and some banking officers.¬†In the centre of it all was a man grimacing¬†on the tarmac.¬†It was reasonably safe to¬†assume that the corporate vehicle the banking officers were in had hit the poor man. To my surprise I¬†saw¬†the victim grabbing hold of the grill of¬†the car as¬†the driver tried to reverse.¬†Was this a foiled hit-and-run?¬†Coincidentally¬†a colleague of mine, an eye-witness, narrated¬†what really happened…

The corporate¬†car¬†had just driven out of the car park and stopped by the pavement to pick up the banking officers.¬†The driver came out of the car¬†to put items in the boot¬†before setting off.¬†Unfortunately as the¬†driver was about to get back into the car¬†a motorcycle carrying a passenger clipped the driver’s door¬†even as the driver quickly tried to close it. But what happened next baffled my colleague – the motorcyclist¬†turned his head, peered into the car and¬†after¬†‘sizing up the talent’ seated in the backseat he proceeded to¬†literally fall off his bike!¬†Everyone around the scene¬†looked on with disbelief…including the¬†motorcyclist’s passenger who¬†had already jumped off the bike unscathed.

The motorcyclist started to clutch his knee with ‘agony’ and strategically positioned himself in front of¬†the rogue¬†vehicle (so as to prevent the embarrassing scenario of the driver¬†zooming off). He deliberately¬†left his bike lying¬†helplessly on its side while¬†standby motorcyclists¬†assisted to get it off the road. The¬†driver knew the¬†desperado’s game¬†but he wasn’t ready to deal. They argued with¬†each other and the fault was knocked back and forth like a tennis ball in a Nadal¬†vs Federer¬†endurance match. When the driver finally¬†called¬†a time-out he attempted to reverse¬†the car in order to¬†make a getaway.¬†The¬†trickster unexpectedly¬†grabbed the grill of the Slow and Furious Toyota Corolla. He was barely dragged 10 inches before the car¬†driver decided to stop and re-evaluate his next tactic.

The next and most effective choice of play by one of the banking officers however was¬†to grease the motorcyclist’s palm (not literally, of course). At least that¬†cut short¬†his endless lament about how he¬†was denied the¬†payment he otherwise would have received¬†from his passenger¬†before the ‘wack-cident’¬†(nobody heard the passenger shout, YOU LIE!¬†in the background, sigh).¬†After the car sped off the injured motorcyclist¬†miraculously stood on his two feet, mounted his bike and all¬†onlooking¬†motorcyclists¬†cheered and hailed him – not¬† because he¬†made a quick recovery but because he¬†had made a quick¬†buck! N1000¬† ($6 or thereabout). The desperado rode off into the sunset and lived happily ever after…

Have you witnessed any¬†acts of desperation?¬†Are you¬†an¬†ex¬†Commando¬†Desperado with a few nasty stories to share? Like Fraiser¬†Krane, I’m listening ūüėÄ

See also C is for Cursing       

The Catch

I don’t mean to blow my own trumpet but I’m pretty darn good at catching things. If Nigeria promoted Baseball I could have been playing in the major leagues by now. On this recent trip alone I caught four flights: Lagos to Dubai, Dubai to London, London to Dubai, and Dubai to Lagos. Some days before the last flight, I caught a train back to my hotel and savouring the neo-modern metro stations was a pleasant experience…but sadly that was an experience short-lived.

I happened to stand next to a passenger who must have been one of the most generous men I‚Äôve ever met. No, he wasn‚Äôt giving away Dirham or free travel cards. He was generous with germs ‚Äď He coughed several times into the air without covering his mouth and I must have inhaled despite all my nasal dodge tactics ‚Äď but I was a black belt in catching things, remember?. The next day I woke up and realized I had caught¬†a double whammy of Cold and Cough. The icing on the cake was a nasty headache which lasted two days including my 7-hour trip back to Lagos.

Maybe it‚Äôs just as well I was flying with my favourite airline, Emirates, because other than my poorly state I had nothing to complain about ‚Äď everything was perfect; the food, drink, service, and all the in-flight entertainment you could enjoy at over 30,000 feet. As my regular double JD and coke wasn‚Äôt working its usual magic I decided to blend into my ailing mood and watch one of Emirate‚Äôs recommended movies ‚Äď Contagion. I‚Äôm tempted at this point to include a spoiler on this movie so if you haven‚Äôt watched it yet then look away now (‚Ķand jump to the next paragraph before you‚Äôre caught off guard). **********The scene where an infected shopper in a supermarket coughs into the face of Matt Damon was a subtle touch of d√©j√† vu for me. I also saw how the simple act of not washing one‚Äôs hands could start an epidemic ‚Äď it always starts with one person. The movie was so well-directed that I almost felt I could catch the notorious virus from just watching it ‚Äď well if you sat next to me you would probably think I did.

After the movie I subjected myself to a post-Contagion surprise test, in which I failed miserably. The passenger sitting next to me had just finished her dinner and asked the airhost¬†for another mini-chocolate bar. The air host¬†had none to offer at the time but I was looking at mine which was unopened. I picked it up and offered it to the chocoholic¬†‚Äď a gesture worthy of a gentleman, right? WRONG. She politely refused and then I thought to myself, ‚ÄėDid she or did she not want more chocolate?‚Äô And then I thought, ‚ÄėMaybe she realized this offer was coming from a diseased passenger?‚Äô ‚ÄėMaybe she was also watching Contagion or had watched it recently?‚Äô She was later awakened by the same air host who suddenly offered her another piece of chocolate. Perhaps she suspected he had picked it from one of the cleared passenger trays and so again she refused. Yep‚Ķshe definitely watched Contagion.

With the cabin pressure now affecting my eardrums I was suddenly at my wits‚Äô end. It was almost as if everything around me had an ‚Äėill‚Äô theme to it. I must have been going delusional. I was hearing things. Beyonce‚Äôs hit single now sounded like The best cure I never had, Rhianna‚Äôs hit was aptly titled Man Down, and Neyo‚Äôs So Sick hit the nail on the head. I even tried to amuse myself by holding my own award show. Some of the ‚Äėlucky‚Äô passengers won my imaginary awards for: Most Toilet Visits; Most Talkative; Most Camera-happy; and Most Finicky (I‚Äôm sure you know who that one was).

Eventually the pilot caught my attention when he announced our gradual decent into Lagos. From the boiling Immigration area to the chaotic Baggage Claim section my brain still felt like it was being compressed between a rusty vice…very, very slowly. It wasn’t until I took 2 tablets of Advil and had 8 hours of uninterrupted sleep on my comfortable flat pillow and orthopaedic mattress that I felt as right as rain. It’s good to be back and back to normal…or crazy as the case may be. Here’s hoping you catch the Crazy Nigerian bug, Cheers!

 

It’s time for your Mid-Year Self Appraisal

Did you achieve your goals in 2010? Did you set any goals in the first place? Do you even know what a goal is? (I’m just kidding) Have you made any bold moves this year? (and I’m not talking Blackberry upgrades, though you’d score¬†brownie points with me). We’re already halfway through 2011¬†but it’s not too late to do an analysis of what you’ve achieved so far and making any necessary improvements. It’s time for a mid-year self appraisal…not in relation to your job alone but in relation to every aspect of your life.

Not everyone keeps a diary but if you did then you would probably have¬†your ambitious new year resolution(s) written in one of the January 2011 pages.¬†These may¬†serve as goals¬†which you have set for yourself e.g To fit into a size 8 dress; To¬†move into¬†your own¬†house; To become the President of the United States of America – not so ambitious now when you think about it, right? (Jesse Jackson will hate this blog post I’m sure).¬†Below is a short questionnaire you can complete before setting your goals for the remaining 6 months. Choose the most suitable option for each question. N.B – Don’t be scared; there are no wrong answers and¬†anonymity is assured.¬†

I hope that these questions have got you thinking about what you really want in life. I also strongly recommend the following books: How to ruin your life by 40 which was given to me by a friend of my Aunt; and In Pursuit Of Purpose which was given to me by my brother-in-law. These books have helped to rid me of the laissez-faire attitude to life that I once had.

Life is a journey so enjoy the ride ūüôā¬†¬†¬†