‘B’ is for Blunder

Blunder /blǝndǝr/ noun. a usually serious mistake typically caused by ignorance or confusion (the free dictionary). As usual, the Crazy Nigerian is able and willing to give you real-life examples to help you cherish/despise the word even better:

On a particularly hot, sunny day my colleague and I were making our way from the head office to the nearby car park;  a 3-minute walk. Just as I was beginning to doubt the effectiveness of my Right Guard ’24 hour’ antiperspirant, we finally got there only to be told that the company car was at the second car park, which to my annoyance was in the direction we had just come from; in fact, it was directly opposite the head office! After the heavy sighing we did a ‘180’ and set out for the other car park. But before I could breathe a sigh of relief as I approached it, my colleague got a phone call from one of the security guards to say that the car had been found in the first car park! Barely containing my frustration I decided to wait while my colleague went back and got the car; I thought I’d probably have to wait about 5 minutes before I would be basking in the coolness of leather-laced air conditioning. 15 minutes later however, sweat patches were forming under my T.M. Lewin whilst my shiny head was getting a free sauna treatment. Like Elton John I was ‘still standing’ by the side of ‘yellow brick road’ in front of the second car park waiting for my colleague and the driver to zoom by. Where in Oz was this elusive company car?

Suddenly a blue Toyota Corolla with slightly tinted windows was ‘trafficating’ in my direction until it came to a halt. I went round to the other side of the car to join my colleague in the back seat. I opened the door and jumped into the car with my eyes half-closed from heat exhaustion and expecting to hear something along the lines of “Sorry for keeping you so long. Another car was blocking our car and they had to go find the driver then…” But to my surprise the remark I got was, “Who is this man?”

Lo and behold I had gotten into the wrong car! The suited-up gentleman and his driver looked puzzled. I (and the expression on my face) couldn’t have seemed more lost than Alice in Wonderland. As a matter of fact, I was ‘Jollof in Blunderland’ and I was wishing a rabbit hole would swallow me up. I can vaguely remember trying to laugh it off and apologizing at the same time but it sure would have been a different story if I walked right into my own abduction. Witnesses would say they last saw Jollof entering a car to go see a client but he never came back (yikes!). I was one sun-tan away from Idi Amin’s complexion when the car came another 10 minutes later.

More recent blunders I’ve committed this week include uttering a potentially offensive comment in an appropriate scenario (allow me to elaborate). Over the weekend a pair of spectacles was left in my office section. After asking around the following Monday it was clear that a visitor or customer had forgotten them. A few days later a lady came to my section, left shortly after, and then she returned minutes later because she had forgotten an envelope. Her timid remark was, “Oh, I didn’t know I left this here” to which I retorted, “Do you use glasses?” Now, I realize how that may have come across but if you read between the lines I was innocently trying to find the owner of those abandoned spectacles…honest!

Equally worse was when my lady boss exclaimed just as she was leaving for the day, “You guys didn’t complement my new shoes like Mr. So-and-so did!” and then I retorted, “But ma, when I talk to you I’m looking at your face”. The whole team was in hysterics (except for Mr. So-and-so, whose fidelity was indirectly thrown into question – yep, he’s married).

But enough about me, what about your blunders? I dare you to share…I double-dare you as a matter of fact. Are you willing or are you chicken? 😀 

See also ‘A’ is for awkward

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In Pursuit of Trouble

Say I were to lock you in an empty room with no windows, no pictures (and no idea why I would lock you up in the first place) but all you had in the middle of the room was a red button with the boldy written instruction, ‘DO NOT PRESS THE RED BUTTON’. Now, how long would it take (after all the crying, kicking and screaming) before you start considering doing the one thing which you’ve been instructed not to do? An hour goes by and maybe you start to think that the red button must be your only way out; that’s the optimist in you talking. But nah! you’ve watched way too many sci-fi movies so you’re going to stick with your gut instinct – pressing the red button must be a bad idea.  

While you contemplate what you would do in that situation, I want to share a few other bad ideas of my own…

About a fortnight ago I decided to get creative with my blog and add a few dodgy links which I was fooled into believing would send my blog traffic through the roof. I got the shock of my life less than 24hrs later when I got the following message on my Blackberry:

“What happened to your blog? It is no longer available” 

My heart must have stopped beating for a second as my field of vision narrowed down to those harrowing last 5 words. After trying to visit my blog I discovered the bitter truth (and it wasn’t easy holding back the tears) – all those crazy articles…gone, I thought. Apparently my site had been reported for contravening the ‘terms and conditions’. I proceeded to press the ‘Contact Support’ button and wrote a heart-wrenching plea to justify the reactivation of my blog or better yet, the resuscitation of the The Crazy Nigerian.  It was probably the best thing I ever wrote on WordPress because in less than 24hrs my blog had come back to life (woo-hoo!).

Trouble is like a sleeping lion – it’s just lying there minding its own business until someone crazy enough walks up to it and decides to tug at its tail. Which brings me back to the red button – would you press it? I would. What’s the worst that could happen? 😀