5 things Google couldn’t find

In the world of search engines Google is rumoured to be king. ‘Googling’ has become an accepted terminology for describing the process of performing an online search (Though I’m still baffled when I hear some people pronounce the search engine as ‘Goggle’). I have used Google judiciously and I must say that I wish I made use of it whilst doing my research at university (I was a ‘Netscape-come-Lycos’ loyalist then). I usually don’t have to go beyond the first page whenever I carry out a Google search. That said, I would like to challenge Google with the following searches:

1. Where to buy a winning Lotto Ticket – This may come across as being a little greedy but I still think it’s a valid search. Google should be able to narrow down its search results: from the continent in the world with the highest volume of lotto winners right down to the exact location of the shop where the most winning tickets were bought. I’m just saying it wouldn’t hurt to have some facts and figures before coughing out £1 to buy a lotto ticket in probably the unluckiest part of the UK, for instance. Google! Make me rich!

2.  Email addresses of Celebrities – Haven’t you ever wanted to send an email to your favourite celebrities? I could ask Oprah Winfrey if she would ever make a comeback, or ask Eminem if he could reserve a backstage pass for me or ask Kim Kardashian if she often gets mistaken for Nicole Scherzinger of the Pussycat Dolls. I know, I know, we have to respect people’s privacy blah, blah, blah. But how much energy would it take for Rhianna to click on my email and mark it as spam if she didn’t like it? She might just reply if she’s curious enough to know if I’m as crazy as she is! Google! Gmail can go one step further so get me connected!

3. Osama Bin Laden – Does anyone remember how for over a decade nobody could find America’s one time most wanted terrorist and extremist who was behind the 9/11 attacks of 2001, despite the presence of the best US Intelligence, every money-hungry bounty hunter in the world, and all the sophisticated satellites in outer space? I remember when President Obama finally eliminated Osama, which made George bush cry (and that reminds me of when Obama was elected as America’s first black president, which made Jesse Jackson cry). Google! Fine-tune your Google Map application pronto!

4. My Enemies – When you want to find friends via the internet Google suggests Facebook, Myspace, Twitter, Hi5, Friendster, etc. When you want to know who your enemies however you currently have to rely on: gossip, unreturned phone calls, bad business deals, bounced cheques, Facebook deletions, etc (but I prefer to rely on good old prayer). Google! Start working on an application, Google Enemy-Finder!  

5. My perfect match – I’m sick and tired of hearing about Matchmaking sites (not that I use them…although I’m sure mentioning them could suggest otherwise to readers). I’m not condemning these sites but I think it could take some time after registering, paying a few bucks and having to go through a gruelling process of trial and error only to find out your love interest is a distant cousin. Why can’t Google zero-in on the person who has recently searched for you and has all the qualities you desire? In fact, Google could go one step ahead of Facebook and develop an app: Googlove – where member A sends a confidential request listing all the full names of people they want to date, namely member B, C, and D, and the app only returns a match when member B also lists member A. Make sense? I guess real-life dating will have to do for now. Google! Thanks but I’ll have to find true love using the best search engine – God 🙂

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