A shelter for my pet-peeves

pet-peeveI’ve lived with the them, nurtured them and quite frankly gotten sick of them so I finally decided to give my pet-peeves a natural habitat; my crazy blog (where else?). I’ve had to do away with a lot of them, you know, like shaking hands of people whom you know just returned from the toilet (diarrhea memories) but that’s nothing good ol’ hand sanitizer can’t take care of. Today I’ve managed to narrow my pet-peeves down to a measly twenty (ridiculously small number, I know). Warning: You might adopt some of these ‘pets’ when you’re through.
1. Unrequited  greetings (If I tell you good morning say good morning back!)
2. Footwear in the way (Are you trying trip me so I lose my front teeth?)
3. Repeating myself the third time (Saliva is precious to me so I’ll pass on a fourth)
4. Being cut off by a reckless driver (if you’re rushing home to take a leak then…nah!)
5. Extortionist taxi drivers (Always charging three times what I should be paying! Why?)
6. Nail varnish applied in my presence (Just finish my nostrils off with sulfuric acid OK!)
7. People who don’t pick their phone calls (I suggest the death penalty)
8. People who don’t return phone calls (Again, the death penalty…but by hanging)
9. Soft plantain (think of soggy papaya…but fried!)
10. Milk not replaced in the fridge for my cereal (This is a capital sin, in my books)
11. A paranoid girlfriend (Keep checking my phone then you can check yourself out!)
12. Slow Internet connections (With email, has it ever taken you 10mins just to sign in?)
13. People eating crumbly food in my car (hope they choke when I slam my brakes!)
14. Long ATM queues (Ever heard the saying, ‘The devil has work for idle hands’?)
15. Being jumped in a queue (Oh no you didn’t! SERIOUSLY? AM I INVISIBLE!!!)
16. Bottle mouths touching water dispenser spouts (Bacteria kissing bacteria, mmm)
17. Pee on toilet seats (Don’t make me angry; you won’t like it when I’m angry *growls*)
18. Harassment from Nigerian policemen (I’ve got three words; beggars in uniforms)
19. Being given the runaround (Go meet him>Ask her>See him – no the other guy, etc)
20. Girls who have a PhD in Nagging (*freaks out and runs for his dear life*)
So which ones did you connect with? Which ones do want to have for keeps? I’m open 24/7 so drop by sometime 🙂
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20 thoughts on “A shelter for my pet-peeves

  1. 12, 15 & 16.
    Tonwa, nail varnish won’t finish your nostrils, haba. What about me who’s applying them on my toes? My nostrils are still intact 🙂

    People who come out of the toilet, see me at the sink washing my hands with soap, and proceed to wash theirs with only water before giving me a look that means, I didn’t really do anything. These people wonder why I never pick a cookie when they pass the jar!

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    • Ah, that’s easy for you to say, Lively. I feel like I’m suffocating when I’m near nail varnish…surprisingly I don’t mind the smell of petrol. Lol @ never pick a cookie when they pass the jar – ewww, I don’t blame you. Would love to read all your pet-peeves if you haven;t already published them 🙂

      Like

      • I meant to come back and add this one, but life got the better of me. Okay, you asked.

        Men who stuff their back trouser pocket with so much stuff, one bum is bigger than the other! I just want to yell, “remove some stuff already!”

        Lol@ petrol, I think all Naija people love the smell of petrol!

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      • Hehe…that’s why I don’t bother ruffling up folded handkerchiefs; my buttocks can look proportional when it’s in my back pocket but as soon as I use it and stuff it back one buttock looks like it’s got a massive boil or in need of a diaper change *covers eyes* Do share more 😀

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  2. #1 (I may never greet you again)
    #8
    #9 (sobs!!! This one can pain me)
    #13 (and also people that make slurpy sounds while eating. Shoot me already)
    #18 (just……smh)

    Others:
    Leaving skid marks in the toilet (I mean….c’mon, can’t you aim your damn hole centrally. Offenders are up there with murders and rapists in my book)

    Like

    • Lol @ skid marks (please get this image out of my head!) You know what’s even more annoying? When there’s a toilet brush resting conspicuously by the side of the toilet bowl. Why don’t they just pick it up and use it for 10 seconds? No manners, I tell ya! Thanks for the comment 🙂

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  3. Finding a great blog, reading all posts back to back from the very beginning, getting used to clicking ‘next’ only to reach this last post and realise I’ll now have to wait for a new one! Call it a nerdy pet peeve.

    Nice blog. Following 🙂

    Like

  4. Um, lets see… Not replying texts, cancelling an outing at the last minute, Oh and bus drivers who choose not to stop to pick up passengers!

    You sir, just vented for me.

    Like

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