Top 10 things I wish I never bought

They say money can’t buy you love (they’re probably right) but it sure can buy a whole lot of crap you think you really need but you really don’t. I learnt this lesson the hard way and hopefully you’ll learn from my mistake before it’s too late…

1. I wish I never bought Internet dongles – In a country where steady mobile phone calls are increasingly becoming a challenge for Telcos, I never dreamt it possible to get better Internet service than the epileptic connection provided by their USB-ready dongles. I eventually discovered affordable Wifi and now I’ve got about three dongles gathering dust in my bedroom drawer.

2. I wish I never bought a handheld vacuum cleaner – At the time, it seemed like a pretty good idea to buy a portable vacuum cleaner I could use in my car for cleaning out those hard-to-reach places – I must have used it just once and that was the end of that suction craze. I remember it used to be white in colour but by the last time I saw it hiding somewhere it looked brown – go figure.

3. I wish I never bought those pair of shoes – They were off-white to me but to everybody else they were probably off-ensive. You have to a be a little daring to wear white or off-white shoes; fake snake-skin types in my case to be exact. The only two classes of people who should be permitted to adopt this dress code are Royalty and the Mafia.

4. I wish I never bought those impossible-to-open cans of tuna – Well as a matter of fact, I thought I had already owned a can opener so by the time I got home and realized the horrible truth…let’s just say the expiry date is Feb 2013 and they’re still in my kitchen cabinet.

5. I wish I never bought that Avatar DVD (the pirated edition) – All I had to do was wait just one more week for my folks to bring the original DVD from the UK bought nooooooo…I just had to see what all the hype was about. The picture and  sound quality definitely killed the initial oooh-aaaah I was supposed to get. Don’t even say it, shame on me.

6. I wish I never bought Crest 3D Whitening mouthwash – Why? because after judiciously using it everyday as directed I’m no closer to a Hollywood smile; instead my teeth feel like I’ve lost a layer of enamel and gained acute sensitivity. Happy days! NOT!!!

7. I wish I never bought that bottle of honey – It looked so enticing and rich in its liquid form that I just couldn’t resist. I dropped it on top of my fridge because I didn’t want to have it solidify…but that’s exactly what happened anyway! It changed colour (from a natural dark to a freakishly light brown). It became so rock hard that I nearly considered using it as a weapon on the shop owner who sold it to me!

8. I wish I never bought the Ab roller 3000 – Truth be told, I can’t remember the futuristic name given to this over-hyped contraption. I could have made it myself if I had a long steel bar and some knee pads. I didn’t see the results I was promised. It’s no wonder you don’t see fat people advertising exercise equipment – sure you’ll see the grotesque ‘before’ and miraculous ‘after’ photos which are designed to fool you into buying a glorified piece of junk.

9. I wish I never bought my Kobo – It’s a nice device that’s supposed to be second to none one (the Amazon Kindle series). It allows me read books online or offline and even allows me connect to the internet to do some surfing…in black and white, sadly. I planned to make the most of it whenever I traveled but I always ended up leaving it at the bottom of my suitcase.

10. I wish I never bought my Blackberry Bold 5 – This, in comparison to the rest of the crap I bought, has to be the most expensive. It crashes a lot. It has a pretty weak battery life. Oh, and did I mention it crashes a lot? I don’t think I’ll ever buy anything made by RIM, in fact I don’t want to see anything that’s got a RIM except it’s on my car or it has the word ‘PACIFIC’ behind it 😉

 blackberry bold 5

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19 thoughts on “Top 10 things I wish I never bought

  1. Hahahaha you forgot to add brother Chiaza of aba as one of the people allowed to wear white shoes. Hehehehehe
    What were you thinking with the
    Ab roller! Hahahahaha that thing na big lie!
    Blackberry, crapberry, stupidberry hehehehehehe
    Laughed from the beginning of this post to the end 🙂

    Like

  2. Funny/Nice article.. White pair of shoes,fake DVDs and the blackberry bold 5 are items I will never attempt to buy again.. I had a personal experience with them.. And trust me, it wasn’t nice at all ..
    Waiting to read more of your article..

    Like

  3. I can’t believe I just discovered your blog! Its so well written and funny(FYI nigerians this you have to be offensive or use pigeon to be funny) but you do it effortlessly. I want to start a blog now!! Lol

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    • Thanks a mil Leo! I appreciate the comment and I’m in full support of you starting a blog. If you need any pointers just let me know. Looking forward to your content!

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      • You won’t believe it but I’m currently trying to repair a Bold 5 for one of my friends with the exact diagnosis. At first I was thinking a power surge (perhaps charging with generator) fried the ‘mother board’ but now I’m thinking otherwise 🙂

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  4. I still find it hard to believe i just discovered your blog. I smiled all through while reading this post. I totally feel you on the blackberry issue. Lol.

    Like

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