What your phone says about you

It’s the year 1990. You’ve recently splurged on your new phone and you just can’t wait for one of your friends to call you. It’s got a mean green LCD screen, soft alpha-numeric keypad, a two-inch antenna, and a long-lasting battery which you’ve already estimated can be passed down…to your grandkids. You sit in the midst of your counterparts at the bar after work with everyone’s phones placed on the table and you all start to argue over whose phone is smarter, and that’s when you realize your phone is desperately trying to hide behind your beer glass. Why? Its intimidated by the competition and you should be too – phones are supposed to be an extension of your personality, aren’t they?

The Nokia 3210, for example, was the must-have phone back in the day. It was a cool tool. What it lacked in colour it made up for in its addictive Snake game. You could leave it in the hands of a hyperactive toddler and be rest assured that it wouldn’t be smashed to pieces after being used as a mallet – it’s that durable…and it weighs a tonne. With over 50 annoying polyphonic ringtones (and the sad option of being able to compose your own ringtone) there was a lot to amuse oneself. However the phone is not exactly a babe magnet nor does it shout ‘Hey! I’m keeping up with technological advancements’. What it does say is ‘I think it’s time you got an upgrade because people are giving me funny looks and let’s face it…you’ll never get past level 9 in Snakes’. The absence of a built-in camera is its major setback and it’s not social media-friendly either. But if it’s any consolation it will last you a lifetime!

Fast forward a little and it feels like the transition from black and white to colour television is repeating itself. If you’re a typical Samsung fanatic complete with the Samsung refrigerator, LCD TV, laptop and tablet, then I’m betting a hundred to one that you’ve already got a snazzy, technicolor Samsung phone. What I like about Samsung is it’s over-the-top use of colour to wow its consumers. It’s like having your very own kaleidoscope in the palm of your hand (I guess Samsung decided to take on the ‘rainbow in my pocket’ challenge and actually won!). Sadly I don’t sing the Sam-song.

But while Nokia and Samsung phones tend to keep things simple e.g. Searching through your contacts to make a phone call or composing a text message, Sony Ericsson believe the more complicated a basic function is, the more sophisticated you appear to be (er…try clueless). Sony took the concept of Differentiation and completely turned it over its head…to the detriment of potential phone users. This is No Phone for Old Men – the phone will only amuse and confuse them (unless they’re patient enough to read the bulky manual…and even that is in small print).

Low and behold, the emergence of the smartphone reminds us that we are stupid and that we need a phone that can do all our thinking for us. Today you have phones that come with a QWERTY keypad because the phone manufacturers think some of us are too stupid to use the alpha-numeric keypad any longer. In fact, some of us are also believed to be so lazy that we need touchscreens because keypads are just too much pressure for the fingertips and thumbs. It’s already bad enough that I’ve got one hand occupied with a ‘dullphone’ whilst I’m using the urinal but trying to use two hands on a smartphone will lead to unavoidable spillage, if you know what I mean. It seems virtually all phone manufacturers have jumped on the bandwagon, with Blackberry holding fort.

But without deviating much further from the topic, your phone makes a bold statement about you – Phones with no colour and camera would throw you into the Stone Age category; phones with swivel/slide, mp3, video or touch screen technology would throw you into the Techy/Nerdy category; whilst phones that happen to be the latest to hit the market (and are usually expensive and are only changed when another new phone is trending) would put you in the I-don’t-know-what-to-do-with-my-money category. Such people want to be noticed by everyone and would steal any opportunity to flash their nifty gadgets. If it doesn’t spark up conversation then it’s probably your phone not theirs. By the time you’re done talking to them their phone will be all that you remember.

So there you have it – the type of phone you use can tell someone if you’re simple or complex, cool or old school, and whether you’re smart or dull  trying to get smart. My theory isn’t founded, of course, but we’re all making our two-worded judgements (‘show-off!’, ‘smart-alec’ or ‘dumb-ass!’, they’ll decide 😀 )  And if you enjoyed this article then you’ll definitely enjoy Cellphonmaina by Livelytwist

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5 thoughts on “What your phone says about you

  1. i have two blackberry phones and neither has bbm installed as i took it out (that one is a long story) what category do i fall into?
    Before you judge me note that there is a sweet story behind this 😛
    i had been using a nokia ‘torch’ abi na ‘torchlight’ hehehehe for a while after losing lotsa phones and the real owners asking for a few as well 🙂 i just couldn’t be bothered. mind you i am not an ‘hokay’ person as i used a ‘caseless’ nokia 3310 for about 2months 😛
    then my dad gave a bb 8300. i used this phone till for almost a year before i was about leaving for London and decided to ‘upgrade’ then i got the 8320
    i used this phone for 10 months before rewarding myself with a bb torch 9800 as a graduation present 🙂
    cool story abi? btw Mr Admin, your reply to this my comment must be long or i will call Oga Jona to bore you to death with speeches. 😛

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    • Well well well! I have a torchlight phone that has gotten a comfortable space inside one of my bedroom drawers. I’ve had three phones at one time and didn’t even realize I had lost one of them until almost a week later!
      I’m sporting a Nokia 2330 now alongside my BB 9900 (as we call it in Naija ‘Bold 5’). The battery life of the latter is useless and I find bbm tedious with the choppy MTN 3G network. If I lost contact with friends when I was on Facebook, then I’ve lost even more contact since using BB – my responses arrive a day later (or never in most cases).
      About the category you fall into, that’s easy 🙂 you fall into the i-don’t-know-what-to-do-with-my-money category. If say someone got you the bb 9800 as a gift I probably would have called you a techy for agreeing to use this ‘efizzy’ phone, lol.
      Something tells me you’re not bothered about being judged…and nor am I
      P.S – hope the response was long enough; if not I might have to use a bit of filler on my next one 😀

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  2. Hmm, the phone issue, my friends have been on my case to up grade my phone (yet i upgraded less than a year ago!). I love Samsung! Every time we meet, i probably own the ‘cheapest’ phone lol
    Right now the battle is between the iPhone 4s and the Samsung note(Doubt i will be getting any of them). As long as i can email, text and receive calls.

    I have vowed never to own a BB i like to AWOL once in a while. I own a very pink touch screen Samsung currently before that i owned a Samsung Coby,a Nokia(one of those slide ones) the LG chocolate and a Samsung flip but before Samsung i was in love with Motorola’s(too bad the shut down). For the love of God i do not remember the actual names of most of the phones i have owned 🙂

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