‘A’ is for Awkward

Awkward /ök’ w∂rd/ adj. clumsy: inconvenient: embarrassing

That’s the Oxford Reference Dictionary definition.

However the term ‘awkward’, according to the Crazy Nigerian, can be defined as that feeling when you are:

Walking through a crowd of school kids jeering and pointing at your half-naked body after sneaking out of the boy’s toilet where you just discovered that your shirt was stolen moments after you changed into the school choir gown to perform in front your parents who were so proud of you approximately 15 minutes  ago but were now shouting down your eardrums as you continued your walk of shame.

Standing up to take off the cap on your head in your primary school class with the full knowledge that the previous night your mum’s hairdressers accidentally shaved off every hair on your large head, which leaves you no choice but to heed the direct command given by your class teacher in the midst of all your classmates.

Trying to avoid close proximity and also trying to avoid using words in your conversation that start with ‘h’ or ‘wh’ after you’ve stuffed yourself silly with mouth-watering barbecue beef aka ‘Suya’ laced with raw onions and arriving at your prospective girlfriend’s place only to realize that you can’t find that last piece of Wrigley’s Extra chewing gum that was resting nicely in the ‘other’ pair of jeans you should have been wearing that evening.

Looking in the eyes of your housemate’s girlfriend whom you told the night before that you ‘really liked her moustache which looked like whiskers’ (and even attempted to stroke the little hairs) after having one-too-many vodka shots during your pre-boozing session before heading out to the techno nightclub.

Having to do a U-turn and put your head down in humiliation after snubbing some surprised onlookers but not realizing that you had stupidly driven out of your compound at 9.30am on Sanitation Day where vehicle movement was prohibited before 10am.

Trying to regain composure and avoid eye contact with an unknown pretty admirer across the street after staring at each other seconds earlier and unexpectedly walking right into a street lamp, and ultimately into a world of embarrassment.

Waiting nervously at the till of a supermarket with a week’s worth of grocery shopping as the sales attendant is on her third attempt of processing your ATM card payment while you know that you haven’t got any cash in your wallet and all you’re beginning to hear in the queue building behind you is their heavy sighing, particular one guy breathing down your scrawny neck.

I guess what is also awkward is the fact that I may see one or two of my blog subscribers face-to-face after this post is published. Maybe I shouldn’t even bother posting this article (mouse cursor hovers over the ‘Publish’ button…phone rings unexpectedly…oh darn! I’ve published it!). 

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8 thoughts on “‘A’ is for Awkward

  1. Pingback: ‘B’ is for Blunder | The Crazy Nigerian

  2. Pingback: ‘J’ is for Judging | The Crazy Nigerian

  3. Pingback: Lassa Fever outbreak in Nigeria | The Crazy Nigerian

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