How to protest peacefully…from home

Nigeria has entered into Day 2 of its nationwide strike! Make no mistake; it’s not just about the ill-timed removal of the fuel subsidy, but also about the unending corruption in governance. While it’s not expected that all Nigerians will troop out of their homes to participate in street rallies for fear of becoming ‘road-kill’, it is indeed possible to protest peacefully whilst being indoors. Here’s my quick how-to guide:

  1. Let your ‘status’ do the talking. As you wake up in the morning and stretch you can simultaneously reach for your smartphone and update your Facebook/Twitter status from the comfort of your bed. Yawn majestically and wipe off that stubborn drool as you carefully construct a catchy status update that would communicate your full support for the ongoing movement/protest/rally e.g. ‘#OccupyNigeria’. You can then return to sleep and kill a few more hours, assured that YOU won’t be killed, out in the streets. NB – Status needs to be updated every 5 minutes for perceived solidarity.
  2. Dress like an activist. After dragging yourself out of bed and having a revitalizing shower you need to choose what you wear carefully. You may be thinking, ‘I’m not going outside so why should it matter?’ Well, if you want to be more convincing about your ‘protest-in-absentia’ you’ll need to upload a convincing picture. Grab that patriotic shirt you’ve only reserved for once a year (Independence Day) or one of the themed shirts specific to your cause. Wear it proudly and awkwardly take a picture of yourself, without looking like you’re awkwardly taking a picture of yourself (and please don’t smile – go for the frustrated/aggrieved-look more commonly associated with protesters).
  3. Get your cardboard and crayons out! Step back in time as we re-live those Kindergarten years because today you’ll be designing Placards (Yaaaay!) This in fact is the most convincing tool that gives your friends the impression that you are busting your butt out there on the streets. But a word of caution – do not underestimate your friends. If you take a picture of yourself holding a placard indoors you’ll become a laughing-stock. Sum up the courage to step right outside your house where there’s no laptop, sofa, TV, chairs or hanging portraits to spoil the background of your activist picture. Take the picture and run right back indoors. NB – Microsoft Experts may wish to show off their Photoshop skills and adopt the ‘cut and paste’ approach to cunningly place themselves in the heart of the rallies.

After all this has been done you’ll probably be exhausted. It’s not easy protesting from home. Let no one call you a coward for doing so either. Top executives work from home and no one stops to call them fat lazy pigs! Think about that for a minute before you go all judgemental 😉

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4 thoughts on “How to protest peacefully…from home

  1. This had me cracking up. I got stuck in Houston and felt guilty for not being out there in the street sweating it out. Not knowing that some people (cough cough) in Nigeria were protesting from home. I feel relieved now =)

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