My Interview With Santa Claus

Me: Thank you for taking the time out of your busy schedule to do this interview. 

Santa: Ho ho ho! The pleasure is all mine, my boy.

Me: There’s so much I’ve been dying to ask you…like why don’t you ever come to Nigeria?

Santa: Oh, all the houses there don’t have any chimneys.

Me: But you can’t expect chimneys in a country that’s hot virtually all year round!

Santa: Sorry my boy, I can’t change a century-old tradition.

Me: Okaaay…After Christmas, what do you do for the next 364 days?

Santa: Mostly online shopping on Amazon, though I think it should be called ‘Amazing’. Now I have more time to go through my excel sheets – you know, kids who’ve been good and kids who’ve been bad.

Me: That’s interesting. I never imagined you’d use computers…no offence.

Santa: None taken. I do it all on my iPad.

Me: Since you’re online a lot, how come you’re not on Facebook?

Santa: My oh my, I used to have a Facebook account but then it got hacked! After so many complaints from other users about spreading Christmas ‘sneer’ I was banned. This idea of a sick joke would’ve been none other than the Grinch…or Jim Carrey

Me: So what’s been the most popular Christmas gift request in 2011?

Santa: Ah, that will have to be the iPad 2, though I’m quite happy with my iPad.

Me: Wow! What’s the weirdest Christmas wish you’ve ever gotten?

Santa: Hmm…that’s like picking a needle from a haystack, hehehe…er..,I mean ho-ho-ho. But recently a 7-year old boy wished Ben-10 could spend Christmas with him and his family. Bless him.

 Me: If you don’t mind me asking, are you married?

Santa: I…I was…a long long time ago…but she left me. She said I was too involved in my work and that I was better off marrying Rudolph.

Me: Oh, sorry to hear that. Do you ever think of retirement?

Santa: “Absolutely not! Think about the kids”, would be my answer. But the truth is…well…let’s just say my pension plan is like a baby with a pacifier (wink)

Me: I understand. Do you really like Coca-cola?

Santa: I actually prefer Pepsi but a contract is a contract, you know?

Me: Santa, it’s been great talking to you. Before you go could you just grant me one wish this Christmas?

Santa: As long it’s not to have Ben-10 over for Christmas, ho-ho-ho!

Me: No no no. I want to get Freshly Pressed on WordPress. This year would be nice 🙂

Santa: Freshly pressed? Well if you’re sure you don’t want an iPad 2 like everyone else then I’ll see what I can do. Merry Christmas everyone!  

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3 thoughts on “My Interview With Santa Claus

  1. Pingback: Nigeria: My Interview With Santa Claus · Global Voices

  2. Pingback: Let me introduce you to my stalkers! | ThE cRaZy NiGeRiAn

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