The Single Life

Is there anything wrong with being single? Well, that all depends on your past or current experiences. I’m a single man right now and though I’m enjoying its many benefits (including a lot of ‘ME’ time, low phone bills and raised toilet seats) a number of people have decided to make it their sole purpose on earth to torment me with irritating questions such as: ‘When are you getting married?’ ‘Why aren’t you married?’ ‘Dont you want to get married?’ (Er…don’t you want to poke your nose somewhere else?).

Being single right now is allowing me to reflect on the qualities I desire in my future wife. Age aside, I don’t see the need to rush into marriage. It’s not as if my RTM (Right To Marry) is sitting on some supermarket shelf with an expiration date…or is it? In Lagos, for example, the belief amongst some women is that they have to get married preferably before the age of 30 (and that is probably why you don’t hear women broadcasting their ages after celebrating their 18th birthdays!). Men are rumoured to have it a lot easier but that doesn’t mean I’m going to take a chill pill and cruise into my fifties with nothing but a bowl of nachos in my lap and a cable remote in my hands.

After my last break-up I did some heavy reflection and some months later I threw myself back into the fish market, hoping I could eventually find a ‘sole-mate’ (okay, that really wasn’t necessary but I couldn’t resist the pun). I quickly realized that virtually all my friends were either married, engaged or in the tedious courting stage. I was now part of the minority, ironically. I started getting sick of the predictable and uncreative dinners at my place; the questioning I got from married friends about an ex whenever I made lone appearances; and the lousy excuses I got from married couples each time I called them up for hook-ups and hang outs. Consequently, the only hook-ups and hang-outs I got to do on most weekends was my laundry.

But I like to think that being single and in my thirties isn’t going to pose any future problems e.g. when I compete for a job with an equally matched applicant whose edge is having a heavy wife and 3 kids (adorable pictures primed in the wallet for a sympathy vote). I see beautiful women everyday and it’s not expected that I meet any girl I’m attracted to and hope she’s not in a serious relationship (and also not a lesbian, for my sake). If only they all wore T-shirts which said, ‘Single and Ready to Mingle’ in a foreign language which only I could understand, on a sunny day when most guys were indoors watching football matches – 1 hour is all I’ll need.

And if I ever lose momentum on the dating front I know I have some trusty do-gooders whom are willing to do their bit in saving the endangered singleton species from abject solitude. These good Samaritans include my sisters, my best friend’s wife, my cousins, my colleague and even my boss. In case any of them beat me to it I think it’s only fair to offer them the right to be godparents. Deep in my subconscious though, I want to find my future wife myself with a little help from the big Guy upstairs. I just pray He gives me enough time on earth to do it and make the most of the highly anticipated experience.

*Special Guest blogger KiwiDutch adds:

“Whatever happens in your love life it’s worth remembering one very important thing:
Far better to marry late in life (or even not marry at all) than to be pushed by social convention, desperation or ANY “other* reason than knowing in your heart that this person is “the One”.

I know people are in unhappy marriages or now divorced when it was clear from the start they were either under invisible pressure from family, buying into the “marriage expectation” from peers, wanting a fairytale dream without thinking about the relationship and commitment that goes with it, or just settling for someone because the biological clock was ticking.
They could have saved themselves a lot of pain and heartache.

Don’t settle for second best… if you or the person you later meet, have deep reservations in your hearts then this person isn;t the person for you.

Marriage is wanting to spend the rest of your life with someone who will love you as you love them, someone who gives as well as takes, someone who compliments and completes you as a whole human being, someone who knows your weaknesses inside out and loves you anyway an visa versa.

It’s two way street, it takes effort on both sides, it’s a heavy emotional investment, so invest wisely.

Himself and I will gave clocked up 18 years of marriage next anniversary.
Knowing that you have found your soul mate, your lover, your best friend, and someone you know you build a relationship with that GROWS with the years! is *Well* worth waiting for.
We also met and married later than our peers and are in this for for life.. (first marriage for both of us). and we try and act like that is the case, daily.

Marriage is not about measuring where the starting point was , it’s about a team effort to the finish.
You only get one life.. so try to spend it wisely with someone who really matters.
Don’t EVER confuse Mrs Right with Mrs Perfect because Mrs Perfect doesn’t exist. If you get CORE values to click (honesty. reliability, work ethic, financial ethic, thrust etc) then you will have good foundations to build a marriage on, the “house” of marriage you build on top of that foundation can be a strange mixture of both styles, but your “house” will be structurally stable and has far far less chance of being torn down from within or without.

Finding the right person to build your life with is worth more than gold and they are worth waiting for. (Believe me, when they DO come along, … you WILL know 😀 )”

Here’s another take on the Single Life:

Breaking up with the single life

——

The single life is simply what one makes it to be. So to the happily married couples around the world, please don’t rub it in our faces…especially on Valentine’s Day, thank you.

“Some associate the number ‘1’ with being first, Others associate it with being lonely” – The Crazy Nigerian

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22 thoughts on “The Single Life

      • The big guy delivers… hmmn. Ive been on 3 blogs all run by dudes today and I find this sooo odd. I know u can’t tell from reading, or looking at someones bow tie, if someone has chronic bad breath, has a hunchback or is a future wife beater, but u sound quite normal and nice even, so whats the problem? I literally have at least 15 awesome chick friends all internally solid gold and fine too. Some wouldn’t even mind the hunch back dude if he was ok internally, so what is it? So if the girls r there, n the dudes r there(it seems), what is the issue? What if the big guy has delivered?

        Like

      • You see, there’s a lot of nice guys and girls out there with attributes that may well outnumber the annoying ones. However, each of us has this ‘compatibility issue’ i.e. who’s the ideal partner you can have a laugh with, plan your life with, have an arguement and make up same day with; enjoy going out with; meet the parents with, have your kids with, and be intimate with…till death do you part. God help us.

        Like

  1. Lol, as much as there are couples all over the place it’s kinda funny how there are even more singles but they somehow can’t seem to hook up. I’ve given up jare, I’m not even looking anymore. Plus, I’m at a point in my life where I’m literally too busy to date so I thank the Lord that I don’t have a crush on anyone right now cos it would just be a disaster!

    Aaanyway, goodluck finding a girl, I’ll put you in prayers :p

    Like

  2. Sorely tempted to say, “here’s my number, lets make this happen,” but i shan’t 🙂 Don’t mind Mr. Too Busy to Date. When he wakes up from his deep sleep he will find he has lost a lot of things, time with wife, time with children and support (and support can mean so many delicious things really) through the dreary days of life. Fact: Its not good for man to be alone. Whether you are busy or not doesn’t count, because we are all busy! 😛 What your priorities are is what counts… i guess. When people die they have regrets (so i hear) about time wasted, they wish they spent more time with kids, family, made a difference and an impact in their homes and with people in general, but I’m not sure their concern is wishing they had sealed the last business deal and co. But who knows…happy hunting…emm fishing.

    Like

  3. Whatever happens in your love life it’s worth remembering one very important thing:
    Far better to marry late in life (or even not marry at all) than to be pushed by social convention, desperation or ANY “other* reason than knowing in your heart that this person is “the One”.

    I know people are in unhappy marriages or now divorced when it was clear from the start they were either under invisible pressure from family, buying into the “marriage expectation” from peers, wanting a fairytale dream without thinking about the relationship and commitment that goes with it, or just settling for someone because the biological clock was ticking.
    They could have saved themselves a lot of pain and heartache.

    Don’t settle for second best… if you or the person you later meet, have deep reservations in your hearts then this person isn;t the person for you.

    Marriage is wanting to spend the rest of your life with someone who will love you as you love them, someone who gives as well as takes, someone who compliments and completes you as a whole human being, someone who knows your weaknesses inside out and loves you anyway an visa versa.

    It’s two way street, it takes effort on both sides, it’s a heavy emotional investment, so invest wisely.

    Himself and I will gave clocked up 18 years of marriage next anniversary.
    Knowing that you have found your soul mate, your lover, your best friend, and someone you know you build a relationship with that GROWS with the years! is *Well* worth waiting for.
    We also met and married later than our peers and are in this for for life.. (first marriage for both of us). and we try and act like that is the case, daily.

    Marriage is not about measuring where the starting point was , it’s about a team effort to the finish.
    You only get one life.. so try to spend it wisely with someone who really matters.
    Don’t EVER confuse Mrs Right with Mrs Perfect because Mrs Perfect doesn’t exist. If you get CORE values to click (honesty. reliability, work ethic, financial ethic, thrust etc) then you will have good foundations to build a marriage on, the “house” of marriage you build on top of that foundation can be a strange mixture of both styles, but your “house” will be structurally stable and has far far less chance of being torn down from within or without.

    Finding the right person to build your life with is worth more than gold and they are worth waiting for. (Believe me, when they DO come along, … you WILL know :))

    Like

    • WOW!!! I love this. woke up feeling down cos of all the pressure and as much as I have always subscribed to the ” I wont allow anyone force me into something” i was almost considering it. THANK YOU

      Like

    • Kiwi D, I’ve learnt a lot from your comment and I’m glad you took the time to share this extremely useful insight. I agree with all your advice and with your permission I would like to include your perspective in this post for subsequent readers to benefit 🙂

      Like

      • You have my permission to include this people to benefit from.. glad that my comment helped 🙂

        Having been on “both sides of the fence” as it were, I HAVE felt the pressure to be married and almost was at an earlier stage on my life to someone who was and who would have been completely and utterly wrong for me,

        It took a LOT of courage and heartache to have said “No” to this guy’s marriage proposal but it was the best decision I ever made because Mr. Right-for-me came along a few years afterwards in the form of Himself and then we just KNEW it was right.

        Whatever is around the corner I can tell you one thing: things often happen when you least expect it, and in ways you never could have thought possible,
        Take heart… One day it might just be ‘your time”.

        Like

  4. Ah, people can’t help themselves from getting in others’ business. When you’re not dating, people keep asking when you will….then, when you are dating, they want to know when you’re getting married….then, after you’re married, they want to know when you’re having kids….then after you’ve had one kid, they want to know when you’re having another…and well, the cycle never ends.

    Enjoy the life you have right now and when the right person comes along to share it with, you’ll already have a good sense of who you are and will be prepared for the journey together. Good luck!

    Like

  5. Salut, first time here, i find my self in the same position with all my friends(and exs) walking down the aisle. But i see nothing wrong with being single, simply see it as time to do things that i want to do with out being tied down. I will walk around in a tiny tee in French, if you see me, simply say Bonjour!

    Like

  6. Hey, I just wanted to send a hello and thanks from the other side of the world.
    I stumbled across your blog while trying to find an excuse for why my Nigerian now-ex-boyfriend was a bastard. Not being Nigerian myself, I’d naively hoped there was some kind of cross-cultural confusion going on.. but after reading some of your blog (well written and very thoughtful by the way!) I have been reminded of what a real man should be.

    Keep up the great writing 🙂

    Like

    • Thank you so much for your kind words, Tracy. I’m glad you could make some sense of it all. As long as you know what you want in a man then ex’s are merely stumbling blocks on the path to learning about and finding your ideal (not perfect) man. Do drop by again 🙂

      Like

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